My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
