he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
