Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
