its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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