Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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