just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
