Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
