...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
