what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
