I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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