the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
