i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
