if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
