I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
