it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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