just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My bed smells like the plague
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
