dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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