Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
