You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
