he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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