I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
