My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
