How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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