Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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