Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
