He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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