Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i need some magic done to my vagina
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
