I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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