dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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