He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she told me i tasted like america
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
