Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
