I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
