Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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