....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
