So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
