Buhtt sex?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Houston, we have a squirter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
