I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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