Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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