Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

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(630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2

Replies (13) Good night (2646) Bad night (541)
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(817): View more from Texas

After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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(817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939

Replies (63) Good night (755) Bad night (8254)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

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(513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep

Replies (16) Good night (8509) Bad night (915)
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(256): View more from Alabama

dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me

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(256): dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me http://tfl.nu/p9kn

Replies (21) Good night (3628) Bad night (1156)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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(403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm

Replies (16) Good night (3804) Bad night (1006)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did mom hear me barking???

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

sooo high. sooo many dog friends

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(215): did mom hear me barking??? (267): oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one (215): sooo high. sooo many dog friends http://tfl.nu/gyg5

Replies (7) Good night (3599) Bad night (699)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick

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(423): Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick http://tfl.nu/qnn8

Replies (21) Good night (1413) Bad night (2056)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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(412): Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza.. http://tfl.nu/7ino

Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (955)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"

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(647): Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?" http://tfl.nu/c4jm

Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (890)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi

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(321): Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi http://tfl.nu/jeyc

Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (969)
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(443): View more from Maryland

so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

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(443): so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.> http://tfl.nu/ipoz

Replies (0) Good night (462) Bad night (1046)
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(360): View more from Washington

You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".

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(360): You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes". http://tfl.nu/hqd9

Replies (2) Good night (343) Bad night (446)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

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(251): Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road. http://tfl.nu/x4ff

Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (215)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.

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(843): I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/jdvw

Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (453)
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(773): View more from Illinois

the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!

(708): View more from Illinois

who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?

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(773): the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway! (708): who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day? http://tfl.nu/tfp4

Replies (9) Good night (343) Bad night (1175)

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