According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
