We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch