Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.