What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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