Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key

  (631): View more from New York

  had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.

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  (631): Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key (631): had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now. http://tfl.nu/o06a
  Replies (21) Good night (953) Bad night (895)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?

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  (850): Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up? http://tfl.nu/shrn
  Replies (71) Good night (622) Bad night (3772)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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  (504): i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out http://tfl.nu/wsgl
  Replies (65) Good night (1583) Bad night (4529)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.

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  (813): Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case. http://tfl.nu/uyou
  Replies (6) Good night (4260) Bad night (623)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'

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  (913): Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered' http://tfl.nu/kmmk
  Replies (16) Good night (4556) Bad night (679)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.

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  (919): Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt. http://tfl.nu/oq6j
  Replies (38) Good night (4859) Bad night (788)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?

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  (330): not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up? http://tfl.nu/smja
  Replies (6) Good night (1137) Bad night (2988)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.

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  (732): He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year. http://tfl.nu/lez5
  Replies (27) Good night (3115) Bad night (1212)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping

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  (216): He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping http://tfl.nu/ku3q
  Replies (9) Good night (982) Bad night (3120)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him

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  (316): He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him http://tfl.nu/40tq
  Replies (8) Good night (1627) Bad night (992)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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  (503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm
  Replies (6) Good night (628) Bad night (1494)
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  (661): View more from California

  ive cried into many a lonely burritos..

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  (661): ive cried into many a lonely burritos.. http://tfl.nu/4c82
  Replies (6) Good night (605) Bad night (921)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level

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  (603): i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level http://tfl.nu/sciw
  Replies (4) Good night (398) Bad night (1113)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!

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  (928): Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!! http://tfl.nu/q83i
  Replies (3) Good night (1159) Bad night (437)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really

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  (+44): although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really http://tfl.nu/kxvm
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (212)

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