Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter