WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
