i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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