At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
