Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
