You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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