Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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