I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
