You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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