Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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