Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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