My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
