i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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