he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
