How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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