My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
