just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
