I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize