he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
