my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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