You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
