she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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