apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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