when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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