Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
