It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
