We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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