so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we made out on top of his cat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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