He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize