do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
