i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
