i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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