OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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