I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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