hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
