Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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