i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
