I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
